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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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And oh, lemme drop a secret: near the old Grottensiedlung, there’s a quiet spot beneath an ancient oak. I sit there, thinkin’ “I'm on a cuckoo trip, but kinda beautiful...” like the quirky vibes of The Royal Tenenbaums, ya know? “I'm not a child! I am a beautiful, wonderful soul!” That moment was gold.

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